New Year’s Eve. I’ve spent days avoiding writing this end-of-the-year post. I don’t feel ready to say goodbye.
2014, you were my year, and I have loved you so.
This year: ease. That was my word of the year. It chose me in October of 2013 and followed me all the way through. Prior to this year, I’d spent more than a decade working myself to the bone, basing my worth on being someone who was busy, ambitious, focused, stubborn, good.
This year: Making time for creativity, movement, and rest. Working with amazing perfect-fit clients. 30-hour work weeks. Laughter. Friendship. Digital Strategy School. Coaching, courses & a retreat with Mara. Working with Fabeku. Whale watching. Music. Reconnecting with a long-lost best friend-soulmate & the resulting joy, comfort, healing. Adventure. New ambitions. Release. Getting to know myself in a new way and feeling contented with that person, with the path that she is on.
This year: I changed my name. My business turned 5. I paid off my 5-figure tax debt (from 2012), and all of mine and R.T.’s credit cards. We bought a second car, adopted a second chinchilla, and said goodbye to our last rat friend. I bought a new camera (and then fell out of the habit of using it, but I’m working on that). Visits from/adventures with Sara, Emma, Michael, Savannah, Mara, Cookie, Jess, Joanna. I spent two weeks in Michigan, a weekend on Cape Cod, and a handful of days in Vermont. My little sister visited for several weeks and then moved to Hawaii to get married. My baby brother graduated from high school and then left for the Air Force.
There were hard times, of course, but when I reflect on this year, what overwhelmingly stands out is the joy and contentedness. The good far outweighed the bad. It’s honestly the first year in a long, long time that I can say was gentle and restorative.
Ease. It was hard for me at first. I was addicted to struggle. I got better at it. I’m in recovery.
Next year: I haven’t chosen a word yet — or one hasn’t chosen me. (It’s possible I haven’t been listening.) I am always, always excited about the start of a new year, but I believe that 2015 will be a different animal. I’m sensing change, reinvention, opportunity. There are quiet whispers in my heart of struggle, sorrow, but I know that difficult times always pave the way for new growth, so if those things should arise this year, I am ready to embrace them and learn the lessons they have for me. I am ready.
Are you ready?
I’m here. Let’s hold hands and step across the threshold together.